This past week I’ve been a bit down and abnormally weepy. For the longest time I have been brainstorming possible psycological anxiety related reasons for why this transition may have braught about a more emotional Patricia Walsh. I had theory after theory all based on one psyc class I took in college. This morning it dawned on me that I’ve been working out of coffee shops, all of which seem to play really depressing music. I’m now stationed at the library and so far seem back to my normal self. As it would turn out environment does effect your person.
As an 18 year old I worked two full time jobs. I worked at Taco Bell from 8 pm- 4 am, then to work at a deli from 8:00 am – 5:00 pm. I slept on the floor of my step Dad’s office for what ever hour or two I could spare. All to save money for college and to find a way out of an otherwise nasty situation. Every action you take sets a precedent for your next action. It’s far easier to form a habit than to break a habit. Creating a bad habit is like allowing a truck to roll down a hill, breaking that habit is like pushing that truck back up the hill. Work became a habit of avoidence. Through college I took 18-20 credits every term while working full time. I continued on this track until February 17th 2012. My last day at Microsoft deserves a post all it’s own. That is in the works.
I’ve missed countless occasions with friends and family, I’ve dropped the ball on commitments to loved ones, I’ve avoided deep seeded sadnesses by immerssing myself in something that will never give back. I’ve had ulcers, adrenal issues, exaustion, every manner of problem. At some point I had slowly become so negative that even my closest of friends didn’t recognise me.
Febrary 20th marked the first day of my life that I’m not in any paticular hurry. I wil admit to you that I felt a pang of self doubt as all the ladies primped for their day at work after swim practice Monday morning while I put my pajamas back on. The first day I worked out, slept, worked out again, slept again and on and on… By day two I feel I have a better cadence for my time. I’m focussing now on planning the launch party (March 17th location tbd), ramping on social media, planning some new talks, getting all my promotions in place, geting 2 videos edited and on a youtube channel.and on and on.
As a lover of all things organization and particularly lists I will say that I feel I’m starting over from square one. All the little tricks I have learned to maintain focus over the past years seem not to apply anymore. I read back my lists and they are laughable. In order for me to be successful as a speaker and a consultant I have to recharge. Sleep doesn’t necissarily recharge a person, in some cases a person needs to reignite. My list contains legistics for the business, art projects, volunteer opportunities, things I want to cook, people I want to visit, the gambit of all the things a person needs to do when they’ve spent the past 15 years burning the candle at both ends with ablow toarch.
Thanks to everyone for checking on me. So far first week in things seem to be going well. I continue to prepare promotional materials, make contacts for future engagements, and otherwise recover from years being stretched so thin. As always my friends and family have been endlessly supportive.